Hello. I probably won't get along with all of you and my views may conflict with some, but I come here to seek other people who may be searching for what I am looking for or have knowledge that they would like to share back and forth with me.
In early childhood I suffered from severe hallucinations of the walking dead and visions of "Hell". I became very religious (Catholicism) and wanted to be "good", but in middle school I finished the whole Bible and after I read it cover to cover I became an atheist. Soon later, I became a complete misanthropic nihilist with some interest in Norse paganism and Satanism. Yes, I was into black & folk metal. No, I am very anti-racist and not an anti-Semite.
So I've been living most of these years as a nihilist, juggling minor occult belief systems and embracing Nietzschean philosophy. I've always told myself that nothing supernatural, spiritual, or "magical" exists and that it can always be explained with science. I will always be a critical person, so I cannot be indoctrinated into a belief system easily. Now, to tell you what I seek.
The past two months I've gone deep self-reflection and the meaninglessness and depression in my life has driven me to insanity. I've had a new perspective on life and although at my core I am still a nihilist, I have an interest and believe in a small chance that there is something greater out there. That my life isn't just some product of my past and living each day as merely 'human'. I see the world in such a different perspective than my peers...the world is so very messed up and I want to find my own Light...
Pleased to find this site, I hope it meets my anticipated expectations.
I love knowledge, wisdom, and discussing so don't be afraid to talk to me!